Theory

Watching The Bachelor for the first time.

The last time.

Here is my theory, which I've formed in only 19 minutes of Bachelor-viewing.

THe Bachelor is a lot like Bret Michaels Rock of Love in the following ways:

-one man gets to choose one "special" woman from a harem of "really special" women

-the women compete for the man's attention with their BB's - no, not beauty and brains, but boobs and butts.

-the man is good looking, but lacking in....something.

The Bachelor is not near as good as Bret Michaels Rock Of Love because....

-the women in The Bachelor are boring losers, whereas the girls in BMROL are entertaining losers

-the Bachelor doesn't possess the special talent that Bret Michaels has, which is milking an 80's career for 20+ years, base on one hit song, "Every Rose Has It's Thorn".

So, Bret Michaels ROL wins, hands, butts and boobs down.

BTW - why does Ali always look like she's constipated when she whines which is all the time?

Good Choice, Bret

Mwahahahahahaha!

Just finished watching the Rock of Love Bus finale.

Totally called it. Too easy.

Bret picked Taya. Der. Why? In a few words:

1. Penthouse Pet of the Year

2. "Feature Dancer" a.k.a. fancy stripper

3. Huge (ahem) "Personalities"

Never mind that she dresses like someone from Dynasty in the late '70's. She's really got that Crystal Gale look going.

They are perfect for each other. She's looking to ride the fame bus (even if it is the bus of a broken down hoser like Bret) and he's happy with a Pet.

What cracked me up the most was that Bret pulls the ring box out mid-decision, like he's really going to propose. Riiiiiight.

What was even better was when he told Taya "I love you 99%, but there's that 1% that's makin' me hold back". Hahahahahahaha. Would that 1% be making an actual commitment?

I'm really looking forward to Rock of Love Trolley Car. Or better yet, Trollop Car. More accurate, wouldn't ya say?

It was a good season. Entertaining. Especially during the colder months.

Daisy of Love? Not sure that's going to hold my attention. Since the weather is warmer, my tv time will be limited. Fine by me.

Pout Some More, Ye Old Rocker

Oh Bret.

Can you get plastic surgery for constantly pursed lips? Looks like it. He's so dirty. But not sexy dirty...just washed-up, fake baked & Euro-tressed dirty. So why do I watch Rock Of Love? Because it's an entertaining train wreck that transports me from my current troubles into a land of hilarious, old-rocker-wanna-be-new-rocker fantasy.

He was in St. Louis last night...his Rock Of Love Tour hit up some of our loverly casino bars. Since tickets were $35, I opted to meet a friend at Tin Can.

Found this ode to Mr. Michaels. Even tweens watch ROLB. Nice parody.