If you're older than 35, you'll appreciate...

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....uphill...barefoot...in 2 feet of snow.

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it.

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of 35, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. They've got it so easy. And their sense of entitlement is ripe. I mean, compared to my childhood, they live in a damn Utopia.

1) When I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog. The paper cuts were fierce....

2) There was no email. We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen. Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there. Stamps were 10 cents.

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass. Nowhere was safe. Which meant you usually behaved.

4) There were no MP3's or iTunes. If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself. Try sticking a record down your pants - it ain't comfortable.

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up. There were no CD players. We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby. Dig? But, we made AWESOME mixed tapes. Good times.

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting. If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it.

7) Of course, no cell phones either. If you left the house, you were just out of touch. Oh the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7. And then there's TEXTING.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was. It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know. You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister.

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics. We had the Atari 2600. With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids' and 'Pitfall'. And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever. And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died. Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on. You were screwed when it came to channel surfing. You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel. NO REMOTES!!! It was a workout...

11) There was no Cartoon Network either. You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons. But they were good (Smurfs, He-Man, Wonder Twins, Mr. Magoo).

12) We didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove. Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. So we did - got on our bikes and disappeared until we needed food. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

14) Car seats? - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place.

Happy Star Wars Day

Apparently today is Star Wars day.

My brother owned, I think, EVERYTHING ever made for Star Wars. Every action figure, the Millennium Falcon, Tie Fighters, Death Star, the larger action figures (bigger than Barbies). I remember one Easter, instead of hiding eggs with money, my mom hid Star Wars action figures.

My favorite? The Jawa. He (it?) had a cloth robe-thing, and scary yellow glowing eyes.


I believe we went through 3 Chewbaccas. I recall one getting lost, and another getting run over by the big green wood-paneled Buick in the driveway.

Recollections Pt 2

I chatted with a good friend on the way home from work today. I grew up with her, and we got to talking about the shenanigans we got into during our youth.

Then I started to think about some of my favorite memories from growing up. Here are a few:

1. My aunt Deb was only 12 years older than my brother and I, and used to babysit us alot. She would play this "game" with us, which would bring us to giggles, but if you did this to a kid now, it might be considered torture. She would put one of us in a pillowcase, drag us around the house, up and down stairs, and ask us what room we were in. If we answered wrong, the dragging would continue. It was fun! And back then, teachers didn't question where bruises came from, so no worries.


2. I used to dress up in my grandma's Carol Burnett outfits (chiffon sleeves, pastel colors, 60's dresses), put on pairs of her long gloves, maybe a rain scarf (the plastic kind that tied under your chin), don some orange lipstick, and play fashion show. I looked a little like this.


3. We used to get on our bikes at sunrise, ride all over town, only coming home to eat, and would return just before dark so we could play kick the can. It was such an easy, freedom filled childhood, I feel sorry for kids these days. Not a care in the world.


4. My aunt Donna would take my brother and I to A&W for fries and root beer. There's nothing better than an A&W root beer poured from a tap directly at the restaurant. So good.

5. There used to be a show on NBC in 1987 about these orphan girls called "Rags To Riches". One night, my brother and I were sitting at the counter in the kitchen watching my mom make cookies and the show came on. The orphan girls started singing, "Rockin' Robin", and my mom started to sing and dance along with the tv. It was great! She knew all the words, and boy can my mom sing. My brother and I got the biggest kick out of that. I'll remember that always.

6. My uncle Don used to give all of the kids haircuts when we were toddlers. We would take turns sitting on a high kitchen stool in my grandparents driveway. I think that would be a funny sight to see today, a bunch of kids taking turns sitting on a stool in the driveway, but back then it was a normal thing to do.

7. I used to stay at my cousin Steph's house for sleep-overs, and her mom let us build the most amazing forts, both upstairs in the living room and also in the basement. We're talking rooms, hallways, every blanket, cushion, tv tray and crate in the house was used. We would sleep there also, and tell ghost stories. This would freak Steph's brother Troy out, and he would run upstairs crying and tell his parents we were mean. I guess we were mean. But it was fun.

70's Saturday Morning Fun

Since I've been strolling down memory lane with Burger Chef, Streets of Fire and the Stains, I thought back to how much I looked forward to Saturday morning cartoons. I did a little search, and came up with some of my favorite shows from 1976:

Isis - What I do remember about Isis were her wicked cool lace-up sandels, her shiny crown and that cool amulet/necklace that gave her special powers. From mild-mannered science teacher to superhero, she was what I aspired to be for Halloween.

Electra Woman and DynaGirl - So much fun!! It was like Batman and Robin but with better hairstyles and accessories. I believe I played this out in my backyard with the neighborhood girls - I was always Electra Woman. Natch.

Land Of The Lost - Ahh!!!! So good. Chaka - I always wanted a little paleolithic buddy. Will, Holly, Marshall, the Sleestacks, and the T-Rex always bugging them at the entrance to the cave. Why don't they make shows like this anymore?

Then in 1977, you had shows like Bigfoot and Wildboy, Grape Ape, JabberJaws.

And finally in 1978, the Bay City Rollers brought their feathered good looks and Rock 'n Roll Love Letter to you. The best lyric from that song? "I'm gonna keep on rock and rollin' till my jeans explode." Jeez....what could that mean? I believe I ran around the house singing this - dirty even back then.