Distracted

I cannot concentrate on the group presentations in class tonight - my brain is fighting a conundrum. I have so much to do, I am having a difficult time finding where to begin.

Thankful

Overall, it was a good holiday. Lots of time spent with my family, relaxing, chatting, noshing – the works.

I did a little Black Friday shopping, nothing too strenuous or stressful, and got one item purchased and out of the way.

The long weekend ended on a moderately heated note, due to a conversation I wasn’t expecting and could have prevented had I been more open back in the Fall about my focus. It wasn’t an argument, but more of a fact-finding mission and clarification.

My problem? Two things – lack of time and my inability to focus on too many things at once.

It got heated for a couple reasons, the first being that it’s the one day of the month I am crabby and over-emotional, which can’t be helped. The other reason is that I had to admit I can’t fit in everything I want to in my life at the moment, but am very hopeful that the next few months will allow some definitive breathing room. Because I really do want to devote some of my time to this person, but need to feel that I have the time to spend because he deserves it (as do I) and not shift my focus from finishing school.

I’m glad it happened, as it cleared the air a bit. And now, at least for me, there is a clear direction moving forward. I’m hoping that he is clear about the direction also, and is still on board.

Happy (Black) Friday

Crimeny - I am still full from yesterday.

Can't really take a deep breath.

And that, I feel, is a testament to how incredible the food was, and not my ability to stuff my face.

Some highlights:

- mile-high apple pie

- three kinds of Jello concoctions

- green bean casserole...delish

- Stove Top...yup, I go for the boxed creation

- I lost at cards, but whistled my favorite holiday tunes throughout because I was in such a good mood. I also called my grandma a bad name because she tried to set me, but she just laughed and called me the same thing. Awesomeness.

- my brother Jeff, cousin James and I debated on goofy names for Mandy's immenent bundle of joy. So far, Trixie is in the lead. James liked Ginger, Jasmine and Daisy, which fit with Trixie as they are ALL stripper names. Clint is the frontrunner for a boy, followed by Seamus, Ulysses, and Chebbi, which is what Mandy's Tae Kwon Do master yells at her during sparing.

So, I am at work on this post-Thanksgiving day, but that's okay. I have already visited the Hybrid OR with my colleague Laura to shoot fisheye stills for an eventual 360 for our new website. I am now getting ready to organize some media for our FB and YT, and have a meeting after lunch to discuss a medical breakthroughs initiative for the website. Yup...I dig my job. A lot. Enough to be okay with working on Black Friday.

My Pandora is cranked, and I am listening to Long View - it's a good day.

Laughed so hard I cried

Explain This Image.

Go here. Now.

A few words to live by...

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was a darn good movie. Here is my favorite quote from that movie...


"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

- Benjamin Button: [Voice over; letter to his daughter]

Movie Review

So instead of seeing "New Moon" this weekend, I saw "Precious" instead.

Glad I did.

I'm not going to go into details, but the lead character has had a rough life, as many people have. There are millions of personal stories out there that are drawn by abuse, pain, and hopelessness. The story of Precious is nothing new. But what is new is the way her story is told.

Very fine performances by all involved. Having seen interviews with Gabourney Siddibe, it's pretty amazing what she did in terms of bringing the character of Precious to life. Mariah Carey dirts-down well, and her subdued performance isn't necessarily Oscar worthy, but deserves accolades.

The real stand-out, in my opinion, is Monique. She should be nominated for an Oscar. Not because the movie is being touted by Oprah and Tyler Perry, but because she embodied this monster of a mother and made you forget you were watching a comedienne.

I've heard that she's demanding more money for attending debuts and press junkets - I say go for it. This may be her only shot at this, so why not milk it for all it's worth? This film will go on to make some real money, so kudos to her for trying to get in on the take.

I saw the movie at the Esquire, which made the experience even more engaging as it was interactive. The energy from the crowd, the reactions, were tangible.

I'm often disappointed with films that come with so much hype. I got burned too many times. There are also a few films I have never seen, because I know I will be disappointed and have better things to do with my life (Amelie, The Lion King, etc.).

This film, in my opinion, doesn't live up to the hype - it transcends it.

Fail

So much for me getting back to "regular" blogging...

In my defense, I was out of town M-W, and then catching up on life Th/F, and then had family come to town this weekend.

A couple of rants:

1. Why is it some folks think that they are suddenly experts on something?. Umm, I can say I'm an expert pilot until I actually get in the cockpit and log my miles.

2. A negative response is better than silence (on the phone). Seriously, man up and at least grunt - even if you are completely in the dark about the topic, when the conversation is between two people on the phone, have the courtesy to at least say, "I'm not really familiar with that". Simple as that. You can even say, "That really doesn't interest me". Fine, point taken. Silence is ignorant. So tempted to just hang up, but I usually offer a quick "Oops, gotta go now" before dropping the line.

3. Ritalin. Adderall. Try it. You might like it.

4. Road rage. I cannot shake it. I will invest in the first drug company that is working on a pill I can take for this. I don't think I am a danger to anyone by myself, but that's enough, right?

5. Negative people who don't use their filters. We all have a filter - learn how to use it. If you can drive a car, read out loud and remember to set your alarm clock, you have the mental capacity to engage your filter.

Okay, 5 is enough. Now for some raves.

1. Gingerbread cookies this time of year make me ridiculously happy. They are like cocaine (I can only imagine, as I have never partaken in the white devil) - if I could snort them, I would.

2. Mangia. Thank you for going above and beyond, every time I walk in your door.

3. My good friend M. She understands. And that's all she needs to say to make me feel less sad/angry/confused.

4. My cousin Mandy (aka Hutmacher) is preggers. It was a surprise to all involved, especially the happy couple who were doing everything in their power to prevent such a thing. It's been 22 years since there has been a baby in the family (Mandy's sister Albo) so it's long overdue. Congrats to Mandy and Joe!

5. Rick Springfield on "Californication". He looks amazing for being 60 years young. However, he'd better think about stopping in St. Louis before the shine wears off and we realize he's really an old soft-rocker.

All for now - look for my list of crazy Christmas music in the next post (I promise I won't wait another week).

Coincidence?

I love it when things like this happen.

I picked up a book a couple weeks ago titled The Worst Hard Time. It's about the dustbowl of the 1930's. I finished reading it on the plane to Seattle today.

I just returned from dinner, and was flipping through channels to find something to lull me to sleep.

I happened upon American Experience on PBS, and guess what the episode was about?

Yup - the dustbowl of the 30's.

What was so exciting was that the documentary showed footage and referenced a few of the people who were prominently discussed in the book such as Hugh Bennet and Bam White, but it also interviewed Bam's son Melt who talked about a specific story thatvwas in the book.

What are the odds I would be reading the book and catch the doc on the same day??

Incredible. I will try to find the meaning after I get some sleep.

Too cool. Life is good.

Weekend, so far

Saw the movie 2012. There are a few more special-effects extravaganza moments that you don't see in the trailer, but not many. It's an okay story, but the only reason I really wanted to go was John Cusack. And that desire was fullfilled.

On Saturday went car shopping with my brother - I turned him on to Audi's a couple weeks back, and he bought my dream car. A4 Quattro, black/black/titanium. I got to drive it home for him - the only reason I got out of the car was because of hunger, had I not I would still be camped out in the heaven that is the front seat.

Was up at 4:30 this morning - it was probably the lingering Audi excitement from the day before. Have been doing a lot of clean-up of my in-boxes. I have four Yahoo email addresses, one is my primary, another is my primary spam addy, and the other two are back ups.

I found a few interesting emails during my clean-up. I had posted a while back how phenomenal I thought El Borracho was/is, and the owner emailed me after finding my blog post and invited me to join him in a pitcher of margaritas. Social media working as it should - love it. And love El Borracho. Will be going there soon to imbibe with BJ. How cool is that??

Found another email from a blog owner on which I had posted a comment requesting that we keep up the convo off-blog. I will be taking him up on this.

And found yet another from a long-ago friend reaching out to re-establish our lost connection. Right on - have already written back, can't wait to see where this goes.

Speaking of lost connections, I recently reached out to a couple former friends to see how they are - hoping to hear something back someday. I knew them at a time in my life when I lost my head and followed my heart down the wrong path, but I am hoping those friendships can transcend such decisions. We'll see...

Today I am packing for my Seattle trip - cannot wait. Haven't been there since 2005, and will be hitting Marrakesh on Monday and the Girls concert on Tuesday night.

Self efficacy

I’m trying to be a better communicator, in all facets of my life – relationships, friendships, family, work and blogging.

Blogging takes time. There are many times throughout the day that I think, “This would make a good post”. But then life takes over, craziness ensues, and the thought is forgotten.

Like the lesson I learned earlier this week, I think the key is to become more mindful of what’s happening IN THE MOMENT, savor it, and then make note of it if it looks to be useful in the future.

The subject of this blog is self-efficacy.

Self-efficacy is the belief that one is capable of performing in a certain manner to attain certain goals.

An example of self-efficacy pertaining to my life would be my belief that I can finish the next two semesters, because I possess the capabilities to do so well.

Another example is that I can keep waking up at 4:30 in order to get to the gym on time because I possess the capabilities, and an alarm clock (ha) to do so.

The capabilities, in these cases, would be the wherewithal, the drive, the self-motivation.

I know I have the wherewithal. I possess the drive.

So what is my motivation?

Many things – to live longer, to live better, to be happy in my personal life as well as my career.

But to break it down further, I made a list last night before I slipped into slumber. These are some of the more tangible and specific motivations that are keeping me (and hopefully will keep me) on my path:

Career
1. Master Social Media Specialist (that title is my creation - doesn't everyone want to be a master at something?)
2. Adjuct professor at Wash U and Lindenwood.
3. Run my own practice or join one that aligns with my areas of therapeutic concentration (relationship and sex therapy)
4. Research and publish

Fitness
1. Spinning certification
2. Complete a Half-Ironman
3. Finish a half-marathon
4. St. Lucia
5. A few numbers - 4, 40, 90

What's on my mind now? Preparing for my trip to Seattle - good times ahead!

Give the sack to Nickelback

I really can't stand this band.

Has to be said. I've held it in too long.

Is it just me, or when you hear a Nickelback song it sounds as if the lead singer is YELLING at you?

I bet that guy doesn't have a "talk" mode, just a "yell" mode.

I would love to see an SNL skit of the lead singer in various normal activities - in line at McDonalds singing/yelling that he wants a Big Mac, making sweet love to his lady and yelling at her, in a business meeting yelling his sales forecasts.

Plus, every damn song sounds the same.

Know what song I kinda like now? "Let Me Be Myself" by 3 Doors Down.

Why?

Because it's in the Gieco caveman commercial. Hilarious.

Perspective

It's all about keeping things in perspective.

I got taught a lesson last night in class. And I'm determined to remember this lesson when dealing with people in everyday life.

I have a professor whom I personally like very much. We are about the same age, graduated from the same school around the same time, and we have a very good rapport. However, he is very disorganized. So disorganized that it's made this class very difficult to navigate and enjoy. But I feel like he's putting forth the effort to teach as best he can - he brings note cards to class, uses PPT presentations, and his lectures are long.

So, needless to say it's been a frustrating semester. The rest of the class feels the same, and is not ashamed to roll their eyes or gripe under their breathe during class. I keep my griping to myself, but I still feel bothered, and have often thought that perhaps he needs some additional training before he tries to teach a class.

Last night, towards the end of the lecture, he started to talk about how his career path was changed which has lead him to where he is today - a professor, a counselor.

Less than two years ago his two children died in a car accident.

That explains a lot.

He is still finding his way.

He is still recovering.

And he is doing the best that he can.

And that is all most people do - the best that they can.

So was I doing the best I could to deal with my annoyance? No.

I sat there, feeling ashamed that I did was not able to see past my frustration and think about why he might be having difficulty.

And yes, perhaps he needs a bit more training before he is in charge of his own class. But maybe what he needs is a fair, honest and comprehensive review of his teaching style, so that he can improve. Any time I finish a class, I am asked to assess the professor and the course. I am always truthful, and take the time to put thought and effort into the assessment.

I will be doing the same for him.

After he told his story, he wrapped up class for the night. Only a few people thanked him for sharing, and the majority of the class bolted from the room.

I felt the need to connect with him, partly because I felt terrible for not thinking past my own frustration, but because he shared something so personal and painful and I wanted to thank him for it.

I related this situation to my aunt after class, and she said what I was thinking - this was a lesson that I can learn from and should remember.

And I will.

Weekend Update

Let's see...what did I do this weekend..

The usual.

Homework.

Presentation preparation.

The highlight was that I went car shopping with my brother - got to drive my attainable dream car, the 2010 Audi Quattro. The front seats cradle you like a glove from heaven above. I'm not kidding. It's an amazing car.

I saw Two Lovers, which stars Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow, and it was okay. I'm a fan of JP, and can really watch him in anything. I believe that the last M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie, The Happening, would have been much better if it had starred JP and any other female.

I stayed up late last night and watched the Mad Men finale. Outrageous. The way Don grabbed Betsy like he was going to pound her - a bit shocking. And way to go Peggy, was nice seeing that she finally grew a pair. I will miss this show - not much else to look forward to on Sunday nights. I'll have to find an alternative - salsa dancing, perhaps. Definitely something dangerous and hot, like the show.

Burgled

Last night my building was burgled. Nope, it wasn’t the Hamburglar – that was something I would have welcomed with opened arms and mouth. It was a thief, genuine in nature due to the items now missing from my building’s lobby.

I may have seen one of the thieves. I happened upon a random gentleman last night who was acting weird, asked for a light, and then ran away. Yup, ran away. Truly weird exchange, and gave me the willies. And then I noticed the plasma TV was missing from the wall, among other things.

When I went downstairs this morning at 4:30, more items were missing and the lobby was in shambles.

I’ve always complained about how a key fob is needed to use the elevator – it’s a hassle when you’re having someone over – you have to either send the elevator down to get them, or you go down yourself. I am now very thankful that this security measure is in place. There really wasn’t a way for the burglars to reach my floor unless they had a key or rode up with someone else.

I’ve got mace. It’s always with me – but usually deep down in the bottom of my purse. I’m thinking I need to move it to a more accessible place in the event I need to actually use it.

Hometown Tragedy

In my hometown of Dickinson, ND, three student/softball players from Dickinson State University died.

Ashley Neufeld, 21, of Brandon, Man., Kyrstin Gemar, 22, of San Diego; and Afton Williamson, 20, of Lake Elsinore, Calif.

The three friends and teammates drove out to stargaze on Sunday night, and something went wrong. A friend got a call from one of the girls and it was frantic, the word "water" was mentioned before the line went dead.

There was a search, both land and air, on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday attempting to locate the missing girls. Foul play was immediately thought - these girls were strong, sensible, athletes. The authorities tracked the cell phone call to a certain tower and concentrated the search around that area.

Yesterday a helicopter spotted tire tracks leading into a stock pond.

The 1997 Jeep Cherokee was soon discovered submerged in the 10ft deep pond, with the three girls still inside, as well as one of the girl's dogs. The windows were intact, as were the doors.

Apparently stargazing is something these friends liked to do - the North Dakota sky is perfect for doing this, as there aren't any competing lights from the "big city". And, there is plenty of land and backroads on which to find a nice spot and sit to explore the night sky.

So, the big question is, what happened? How did three very strong women not attempt to break or roll down the windows of the vehicle to escape? They were of mind to call a friend twice for help, but did not attempt to save themselves beyond that? Were they overcome by the freezing temperatures, the blackness of being underwater and the fear that they didn't know how deeply submerged they were? Was the disorientation so great that they couldn't think clearly and ran out of time?

The autopsies will take a few days. Alcohol is not being ruled out, but the authorities are not speculating as to what they feel is the main cause.

This kind of tragedy is really beyond words. Sports at the university is something that keeps the student body, all 2,700 hundred of them, "glued together". So I'm sure these players were well known and well liked. And now they will be very missed and mourned.

This year, my hometown has been featured on the national news twice, once for deadly tornadoes that ripped through the south side of town, and now this. I could have done without either - and I'm sure I'm not alone in this thought.

My thoughts are with those in my hometown.

Jeez.

Not the best night of the year.

Was side-rear-ended on the way to class. Part of my bumper is Livin' On A Prayer, and the KBGB is officially a hoopty-mobile, at least until I get her fixed.

Just prior to that I was told my grandma was admitted to the hospital. She'd been fighting illness for two weeks now, and she's just not getting better. Waiting to hear what the ultrasound results are. Heart issues.

I feel very lucky to have a grandma, and a feisty one at that. Most if not all of my friends are without grandparents.

That's not a club I am prepared to belong to just yet. Or ever.

So these two events, coupled with my mom's as-of-yet undiagnosed pain, are kind of keeping me down. It's bright and sunny outside, blue skies abound, but I'm just not feeling it.

Hoping to shake the funk later tonight. I welcome any and all crossed fingers and toes. Eyes will be considered also.

Hugh Got It

I had a very vivid dream this morning. It probably only lasted for a few minutes, but I sure would like to recreate it in real life, with someone other than who was in my dream.

I dreamt that I was in the beginning of a sloooow make-out session with Hugh Grant.

We were feeling very close to each other as we had just composed a song together. Decided to take our collaboration to then next level, under flannel sheets. The intimacy level was off the charts.

Turns out he has very smooth skin. And is an outrageous kisser.

I won't go on, because to describe it in a way that would do it justice would give this post an X rating.

And yes, I know. Hugh Grant. I think the only reason I dreamt about him was because I had watched a smidgen of "Music & Lyrics" last night while flipping channels (mostly to see Drew Barrymore).

He is kinda hot.

I'd obviously do him.

Good Morning Sunshine

Outstanding day.

Took the boy out at 4:00 am, ran into some neighbors who were winding their night up and had a nice chat. Went back to bed until 9:30. Decadence.

Got up, got ready, was at TJ's by 10:30. Beat that.

Now listening to the Editor's new album, "In This Light And On This Evening" and have so far enjoyed each and every song. Takes me back to me early college years - it's all dark and 120 Minute-like. Synths and goth romance.

I've got a moderate To Do list, and will get cracking soon. A couple highlights - loading up my iPhone with playlists, a nap, some photography, P90X, and dinner courtesy of TJ.

Good times? Nope - great times.

Happy Sunday y'all.