Day Before...

I feel a bit like "sad cat".

Wondering what the new year has in store.

Feel like it's about to fall on my head.

Getting a haircut today, might go edgy and get rid of the long locks.

In need of a change.

That is all.

Movie Review - Easy A

Yes, I rented this.

B & I were in the mood for something that wouldn't take a lot of brain power.

This movie fits the bill quite nicely.

It could have been good - it could have been great, actually, had the movie focused entirely on the interactions between the main character Olive and her parents, played by the hilarious and engaging Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci.

The dialogue that took place within the family was sharp and funny. Were such wit to exist in the everyday, I would enjoy my life a lot more.

Any of the scenes outside of her family sucked. Lazy dialogue, bad acting, poor plot.

Forgot to add that Thomas Hayden Church was funny in a great dry kinda way. He also upped the likability factor.

Easy A gets a D for likability but a B for achieving what was intended - lazy entertainment for a low-key Tuesday night.

My smack needs some crack

So.

It's that time of year my lips get a little chappy. A bit chafed. A tad cracky. A smidge flaky. I know...not too appealing.

My lips are at war, and are ready to surrender to the most potent form of lip goo on the market.

The front-runner is Cherry Softlips. It's got a nice taste, kind of tingly (ooh la la), and the packaging is slender and appealing. Fits well in my front pocket or purse, and seems to never run out. Plus, I'm told it tastes good....points for that. The only drawback is that it's not the fastest repair...


The next option is Carmex, or "carwax", which is what we called it back in college. And that's really the reason I like it - because it reminds me of college. It really does wonders, but it resembles earwax and you have to dig your finger into this little pot and smudge it on manually, which is unseemly and unsanitary. But again, points for the college memory.


The final contender, not to be outdone or dismissed, is the tried and true Chapstick. Basic, no frills, does the trick quick. The only drawback is that it reminds me of both my grandma's lips and my ex's lips (they are Chapstick fiends), neither of which I want to be thinking about as I lube up.


What's a girl to do??

Movie Review - Black Swan

Well. Well, well, well.

I had no idea the treat that awaited me Saturday night at the Chase Park Plaza.

B and I got there a little early, and there was a line a mile long.

No worries, though, because we had rock-star luck and lucked out with near perfect seats.

We then proceeded to spend the next 108 minutes watching a frail Natalie Portman be psychologically terrorized by....well....herself.

It was a phenomenal movie, in that it was truly unique. It was very unnerving at times, disturbing at others, and overall a pretty wicked ride.

I won't go into details as I'm sure there are folks out there who haven't seen it. But what I will say is this - if you've seen Carrie, Inception, and Jacob's Ladder, there are elements of each of these films (and perhaps a modified scene or two) in Black Swan. Whether this was intentional on Aronofsky's behalf or not, it serves him and the film well.

Oh, and the scene with Winona Ryder in the hospital? Probably one of the freakiest, violent and memorable scenes in history.

This is not a movie I will ever see again, but I'm glad I saw it once.

Grade: A+

Winter Park, CO

We've decided to hit up Winter Park for our Feb. ski trip. Never been, should be fun.

Is it February yet??

Happy Thursday

BJC Christmas Party tonight.

I brought my Big Ass Purse.

The Golden Misses

The Golden Globe nominations are out, and I'm more than a bit confused.

Piper Perabo for Best Actress in a Television Drama? Really, now....let's name some gals that SHOULD have been on that list. Christina Hendricks (Joan) from Mad Men. Or how about Chandra Wilson (Miranda Bailey) from Grey's Anatomy? Or Maggie Q from that Alias ripoff.

And yeah, I saw 127 Hours, and James Franco is lovely eye candy, but his performance wasn't THAT phenom. The kid from Kick Ass did a great job...better than Franco in my opinion.

And then there's Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart from The Runaways...fine performances, but I guess because of the subject matter, not artsy enough, they get ousted?

Oh, and Leonardo from Shutter Island - that was a fantastic movie. Very noirish, and he did a better job in that then Inception.

Ooh, and HELLO! Noomi Rapace for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

And let's not forget the powerhouse performances in COMEDY from the OUTSTANDING FILM.......Cyrus. I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!!! Love the actors in it, the story, all of it.

SEE CYRUS instead of watching the Golden Globes. Time better spent.

Slope action

Just booked my flight to Denver to visit my cousin for a mini ski vacation. Haven't decided on the resort just yet, many to choose from. We'll be hitting the Nuggets/Celtic game the night before. Good times!!!!!

This week...

...is another week of fun for me - wheeeee!

Every morning at 5 a.m. off to the gym. Yay yay yay!!!!! Why that godawful early? Because I don't have evening classes or internship duties. And because I can.

Tonight - a friend is coming over to help me move some furniture. Not really fun, but the space for my new office/meditation room will be fun to use eventually.

Tuesday - another friend and I will be stirring up some fun, somewhere. TBD.

Wednesday - meeting with my favorite student for one last session, then off to Mangia, followed by either 2720 Cherokee for some reggae or Off Broadway for Tim Kasher and City of Takers. Decisions, decisions.

Thursday - holiday office party, then off to meet yet another friend for some libations. Scotch whiskey for him, single malt or blended Irish for me.

Friday - sushi with Kristen to toast our good fortunes in academia and to future endeavors, and to dish about boys. Could be an all-nighter.

Saturday - Slasher at Hot City Theater. Hoping the play is funny, and not so much scary.

Sunday - ??????????? If anyone's got any ideas, let me know. I'll probably hand with my mom for a good part of the day, Saturday also, but this evening is open.

Yes, I'm trying to squeeze in as much fun as possible. I missed out on so much over the past seven months, I've got some making up to do.

Oh, hell yeah

Just came across this article in my daily listen. Hot.

If men took the time to read/understand/apply the lessons in the article, women wouldn't have to fake it.

Oh yeah, of course fakery happens, depending on the girl. It really doesn't help much, though, because by faking it you are reinforcing what doesn't work.

I think the key things to pay attention to in this story are:

1. Comfortable locale

2. Spicy talk

3. Foreplay (der)

The 90-second window thing cracks me up a bit. 90 seconds? Really? I am only privy to my 30 second window...am I missing out? Maybe I'm too distracted until the last 30 seconds before takeoff. Who timed this?

Movies recut

I discovered that there are tons of "recut" film trailers that make horror movies look like romances, vice versa, and everything in between.

Check out the recut of The Shining:



I know, I'm a bit late to this game, but since film editing is a hobby of mine (passion, really), I COMPLETELY dig this.

Here's Mary Poppins recut as a horror movie - genius.



And one of my faves, Top Gun recut as to what it really should have been - a love story with TC and Val.

Um. Yeah.

Loooong Monday.

Day trip to Pittsburgh PA to drop off/pick up a kidney.

Flew on a prop plane. Nearly barfed. Turbulence sux.

Having a low-key day, not feeling all that great. Hope I'm not getting sick.

Listening to this:



And this...

Paris, anyone?

Holy crap.

US Airways is having a sale.

$270 one way (from Chicago) to Paris. Travel from now through the end of March.

Why, yes, I believe I'll be spending some time in France very, very soon.

Happy Graduation to me - or as they say in french, Heureux graduation à moi!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Graduation to Me

My friend Cin sent me these flowers today. They are in a margarita glass. I think it's only fitting I have a margarita tonight in honor of her lovely gift, and my unofficial graduation.

As of this evening, once I finish my case notes and putting everything in the binder, I am finished. Done. Finito.

I am a Professional Counselor.

I am taking two more classes next semester, both electives that I wasn't able to take during the last two years as they weren't offered - Trauma, and Intro to Substance Abuse. These two classes will help further prepare me for potential issues my eventual clients will have.

I have also decided to do the PhD track, but not until the fall. The classes don't start until after work, so it's completely feasible.

Life is good.

No.

Life is great.

Oh, and I have the next two days off of work. Sleep. Celebrate. Rinse. Repeat.

What I'm listening to at work today

Stuck at work on the day after Thanksgiving, so I'm playing DJ.

Here are a few of the tracks rotating on my turntable:

Turkey Trot

We dodged the rain, but not the cold. Brr.

It was a fun morning - Ash kicked ass, as did Todd and Ann. I did okay - it was cool to freeze my ass off with friends and family. A really nice way to kick off the holiday.

Celebratory banana.....


Cousins Ann and Todd pre-race


Me & Ashley post-race (I'm looking a bit haggard, def need a haircut...)


Crazy Ash!


Ann & Todd post-race

BK parody

Just peed my pants.

"Would you like an apple pie with that?"

Spanksgiving

It's starting out to be a bit of a crap holiday. And the day needs to get spanked.

My car wouldn't start this morning. I've poured so much $$ into it lately I'm beginning to think a new car is the best route to take. It's becoming a money pit. SO my car is on the way to Dobbs via tow, and my fingers are crossed for a cheap diagnosis, perhaps in the way of a dead battery or a fuse. I don't want to hear words like "starter" or "alternator" or "transmission".

Also, family, friends and I are scheduled to run in the Turkey Trot tomorrow, but the weather is calling for a "wintry mix". WTF.

AND I didn't get my second batch of gooeys made last night because I got too busy. So that it what I will be doing after work today.

In a word....argh.

BTW, the photo is of a half-eaten gooey.

Beginnings and endings

My friend Cheryl died early this morning. And my friends Maggie and Keyvan get married this afternoon.

I've known Cheryl for about a year. She's a very feisty, energetic and warm woman - a rare combination. She's a circler - she rounds people up, and people can't help but surround her.

I didn't see it coming, since I saw her two weeks ago and she was nothing but energy, smiles and laughter. I got to meet her son for the first time, he was in from Chicago to attend a doctors appt. at Siteman with her. We had lunch, and it was really fun.

Then last week she went into the hospital with pneumonia. And now she's gone.

And I'm trying to get ready for what's going to be a fantastic wedding, and am trying hard to think of the positive. Trying but not really succeeding.

Nuptials and naughtiness

Tonight - bachelorette party for Mary. Starting out at the Stable, then moving on to...well...where all good girls go for their bachelorette fun. B&B! Got my dollars at the ready for stuffin'. :-)

Side note - I remember back when I was a young girl in my 20's and "Nature Boy" was the stripper du jour that primed the pump for many a bachelorette's entertainment. After many years of trying to swing from that vine, my friend was dumbfounded to discover he was gay. She tried hard, though.

Tomorrow - early run, afternoon fun, then my good friends Maggie and Keyvan get married. Following, if the stars align, it's off to the Pageant for Wolf Parade (playing this one by ear, not sure how late the wedding festivities will go, they start at 5:00)

Sunday - not too funday. I've got to finish my last term paper, my final take-home final, and a buttload of case notes before Monday's turn-in deadline. However, I will be heading over to Kayak's in the late afternoon with my work in-hand so that I can have Nic make me some frothy goodness to alleviate the pain and keep me going into the night (should it take that long).

Movie Review

Predators



Now, I'm no sci-fi geek. I did watch Red Dwarf and Dr. Who in college, and tried to watch the new Dr. Who when hottie Christopher Eccleston played the lead a few years ago, but I it didn't hold a candle to my hanging-out-in-Nichols days. (reference for my college friends)

However, I was in the mood for some ass kicking, since I have been so lax at it lately in real life.

It delivered.

I was surprised by how, umm how shall I say it, ROCKIN Adrian's body is! I have always had a soft spot for tall, geeky guys with surreptitious schnozzles, and he has fit the bill.

He fits the bill even more now...ooh, the muscles on that boy made me a happy girl for an hour and a half...well, maybe longer actually.

;-)

The plot was decent. The players were a good collection of misfit, strong-arm, misguided and guilt-ridden. Adrian Brody brooded.

Naturally, they are picked off one-by-one. But the first one to go...I didn't expect that.

It's one of the better sci-fi pics up for grabs this year.

I say, give it a shot.

Modesto fiesta

Got together with some gal pals tonight to celebrate many things - upcoming wedding, impending graduation, potential job opportunities and having such good friends!


Me and Nic


Me and Leah

I cried in my soup last night

I did. It was pathetic.

My pity party continues. And I'd really like to get off this broke-down, maudlin bus of sorrow and get back to feeling fine and happy.

I'm pretty sure where these emotions are coming from, but I'm about sick of feeling so down-in-the-dumps, especially with all of the good things going on in my life, and in the lives of my friends and family.

Yeah, I've got one marriage under my belt, so it's not like I'm some wizened, old spinster who has a predilection for cats, rosewater and wearing black.

And yeah, I've been engaged since my divorce, so it's not like there wasn't an opportunity. It just wasn't the right one.

But now I REALLY feel like I'm lagging.

Not only is Prince William getting married, but now I find out Jessica Simpson is too.

;-)

I kid, I kid.

But with two of my best friends heading down the aisle soon, and two coworkers recently engaged and another recently married, it seems that the universe is pointing a finger at me & laughing.

I think my issue is too much transition. I'm very good with transitions - I'm super resilient, I bounce back quickly, I motor on.

But with school coming to an end, the debate about going on for a PhD, and all of the changes in my social circle, it a little much.

Oh, and I haven't had a real vacation in over a year. THAT is looming oh-so-largely.

Running, spinning and swimming are helping, for sure. But I need more.

What it comes down to is, I need a break. A real break. A fun break.

I need to celebrate my accomplishment. I need me time.

I need Europe. Or some slope action. Or big tree time.

And so I'll plan...

Unfriend? Just hide...

So there's all this talk of "unfriending" on Facebook - reasons to, Jimmy Kimmel declaring an Unfriend Day.

I used to think it was okay to defriend.

But save for a couple "no duh" reason for unfriending (parents, ex's), why would you?

I've hidden those who are Farmville addicts, invite me to EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN, and are Debbie Downers, but from time to time I might check in with them to see what's up.

For the most part, the people who are my Facebook Friends are former & current colleagues, old high school and college friends, classmates, current friends, and professional contacts. I've reconnected with a few people who've been beneficial to my personal growth (I'm talking about you, Syd!). All in all, the people I don't have much, if at all, interaction with aren't doing anything negative by being in my friend list. So I leave them there.

No harm, no foul.

I don't have time to unfriend. I have better and more positive things to do with my time.

And that's my $.02.

Mental health

I am in need of a vacation.

It doesn't have to be a long one.

Just a weekend away. Somewhere.

Or maybe I just need a spa day.

I get like this during the final "push" of a long and lengthy project.

I graduate in three weeks, and finish meeting with individual students tomorrow, so this is my last big push weekend.

I've looked into tix to Seattle, which is a sort of haven to me.

Soonest I could go would be in a few weeks.

Not soon enough, but it'll have to do.

On my toes

My pal Ashley and I have decided, after much, MUCH thought, to join the Team in Training for the GO! St Louis 1/2 Marathon to raise $$ for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. We have our first training run this Saturday, which is the same day as the Girls On The Run event.

Bummer. We can't very well do a training run at 7:00 a.m. and then turn around and do a 5k at 9:00. So, we opted out on the race and are doing the training. It will be fun to meet the group and get some mileage in.

We were at CC Park a couple weeks ago, it's such a nice path. I like FP also, but CC seems more scenic.

Lots of runs coming up:

Turkey Trot 11/25
Frostbite Series 12/11
Reindeer Run 12/18
Frostbite Series 12/26

Gimme five....finger shoes

These may be my new shoes. Five Fingers Bikila from Vibram.

Kinda weird. The soles aren't too thick, so you do feel pretty much everything beneath your feet, but it's not hurtful.

When you run, though....it's kind of freeing. And dangerous, in a way, because you don't have all of this material "protecting" you.

I haven't pulled the purchase trigger yet. Still thinking about it.

Cheaters

Some student reactions to the cheating scandal at UCF makes me worried for the direction this country is headed in.

Sure, cheating happens. Sometimes individually, sometimes en mass. But on this scale, and by seniors in the business program, well, really?

I think it's more than just a question of morality. It's a question of intelligence.

If you're a senior, and you don't think you can pass the midterm on your INTELLIGENCE ALONE, perhaps you should rethink your path.

I just took the most difficult exit exam of my life. It was truly hurtful to my brain. But if there had been a way to cheat, I wouldn't have done it. Why? Because the results will tell me whether or not I'm ready to go out there and apply what I've learned. And that is something I want to know.

I passed. And felt damn good that I did, on my merit & knowledge alone.

An exam is to test your knowledge, not to test your prowess for screwing with the system.

One student called it a witch hunt. He stated that he'd cheated before, it happens, and it will always happen. I wonder if the administration, upon seeing his interview, may offer him the chance to take an ethics class or face expulsion. He's obviously proved to be an idiot for admitting to cheating on a national stage.

Yup. This country is in trouble....

How to speak like Michael Caine

Yes, I'm on fire today. Too much, but I worked over my lunch hour and don't smoke, so this 1.5 minute blog post will suffice as a mini-break.

I love the BBC.

And I love Michael Caine.

And I like Steve Coogan.

And I dig when people can do spot-on voice impressions, especially with an accent.

See below.

Getting Back to my Roots

Now that I am ALMOST finished with my newest degree, I am slowly but surely making room in my life for the things I love to do but had to put on hold.

Things like:

- Writing: blogging, my book, short stories, dating horror.

- Music: perusing industry mags and iTunes for new tunes, playing my guitars, piano.

- Nature: I feel a weekend road trip coming on. A long hike in Castlewood, Busch Wildlife or Lone Elk is fast approaching, I can feel it.

- Photography: My latest zoom lens is beckoning. I hear it every night as I close my eyes. Soon...very soon.

- Art: my pastels need a hand holding. My acrylics need mixing. My oils cry out to be dipped, swooped and tendered.

- Biking: spinning, to be exact. Two months to the certification, and I am behind.

- Reading: I've got a list of tomes I'd like to tackle, just need to prioritize and purchase.

The beast is breaking the bank...

Dropping another 1.5k on KBGB today. For those of you new to this site, that stands for Kristin's Big Green Beast, or my SUV.

That makes this years total close to 4k.

Ouchy.

However, I've not had to drop any big dime on it in the 5 years I've had it, until recently. So, I figure it's par for the course.

Externally and internally it's a sound machine. It just needs some routine sprucing, but it all happened to come down at once.

Sigh. Painful to part with that kind of green, but it has to be done.

I enjoy not having a car payment. And I like having an auto that I can take down the backtrails for camping, kayaking, etc.

So I will keep putting money into my beast until it roars no more.

Testicles...get your hot testicles...

Oh holy hell.

Just another technological warning to heed.

Apparently, men who balance their laptops on their laps are in danger of cooking their testicles, thus reducing sperm count.

Is it just another way that computers are slowly killing off the human race, in their secret plan to take over the universe?

Probably.

This story explains in detail how the cajones are prone to overheating.

Boys, cover up your precious frank and beans, and put that laptop on a desk where it belongs. More power to procreation!

Ani time

Rediscovered my Ani as I was destressing and deflating on Monday night.

Had forgotten how completely relevant and powerful her music is, and how it makes me feel.

She was a main staple during my college years. A good friend is never forgotten - but sometimes misplaced.

Welcome back, Ani.

Ivan & Alyosha

Good stuff, brought to you by my musical go-to, Jeff:

It Must Be Something In The Water...

Two of my best friends are getting married - both were quick decisions, and quickly planned. Not shotgun situations - they just knew, and wanted it to happen now. I think that's fabulous.

Also, three of my coworkers have announced that they're getting married.

Having been down that road before, I know how exciting it can be to plan. My ex and I eloped, which worked for us because we were so young, so poor, and so crazy.

So it would seem that love is in the air. Hoping some of that rubs off on me.

The love part, not the marriage part.

I do want to get married again, someday. And I do want to have a family.

But when it seems that everyone you know is headed down the aisle, whether it's their first or second time around, it leaves me feeling a little behind.

Didn't think I'd ever hear the clock. But it's ticking. Faintly, but it's there.

It

I need a nap

This pretty much sums up how I'm feeling today...

An owners manual of yourself

Last night was a doozy.

I know myself pretty well. I'm usually even-keeled during stressful times. Like these last two semesters - while I've had fleeting moments of insanity due to having no real time for myself, I never broke down.

Last week was the first week I didn't have to haul ass over to Belleville every single day - it went down from six days a week to two. Life got considerably better. I was still busy, but it was logistically more on my terms.

So after having a logistically lovely week, I bottomed out last night.

This happens to me. When the stressful time is over, that's when it hits me. And it hits hard. Knocks me off my feet.

Here are three very telling examples of how stress manifests later for me, both physically and emotionally:

1. The end of my marriage was tumultuous, but I was physically fine until I decided to go home by myself for Christmas to get away. As soon as I was safely within the confines of my family and the trigger was removed, I had terrible heartburn, an upset stomach, and headaches. I also sat through the Christmas Day premier of "Titanic" and bawled my fool head off for almost 4 hours. When I returned to my sucky marriage, those symptoms went away. I was knee-deep back in stress.

2. After the last few months of my very difficult marriage, I decided divorce was the answer (after counseling, soul searching, etc.). The week after the decision was made and the stress lifted, I broke out into hives. Those lasted for about a week, coming and going.

3. I was engaged, and there were problems in the relationship (not mine). I moved out and got my own place. As soon as I did so, I got hives pretty much every day for three months. And all over - my lips, face, hands, arms. My employees thought I had an allergy to life. I ended up seeing an allergist, who couldn't find anything that would produce hives like this. Eventually they went away, but they were the direct result from former stress.

So last night I didn't see any physical manifestations of my stress, but the emotional ones were there. I felt the mood overtake me at the end of the workday. Hopelessness. Frustration. Sadness. An overall feeling of "how will I ever dig myself out?".

I went to the group that I run at school, which is called WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan). It's like an owners manual of yourself. Last night the topic was Triggers - specifically, what things trigger you (make you mad, bother you), how to cope, and how to avoid the triggers altogether. Things like messiness, gossipy people, traffic, agreeing to do too much, etc.

Along with the class I wrote out all my triggers, recognizing many. Then wrote about how to cope and avoid. This helped me to recognize what was going on with me now, and what I needed to do.

I ended up calling a very old, dear friend on the way home from group for support and was infused with love. That helped a lot. He also gave me some suggestions on how to get through the tasks I needed to complete before heading to bed (all part of my triggers). So I busted through my list, and by 10:00 was happily seated on the couch, watching a show I'd recorded earlier. Heaven.

During times like that, it can be difficult to see beyond the feelings and formulate a plan. With the help of WRAP I made a plan, executed it, and moved beyond the feelings.

I feel great today. I'm five weeks away from graduating with my M.A. in Professional Counseling, at which time I'll be a therapist. I've learned a lot over the last two years, and feel that I'm in a much better place than ever before. And I have met someone who seems to be the real deal. He's intelligent, kind, has great energy, is emotionally available and is a good communicator. A few more dates should give me some additional insight as to whether I want to keep going.

We shall see. :-)

Supa Dupa Weekend

Jeff, Ethan, Mom

GREAT weekend.

Friday night was supposed to start at Riddles, but it was closed for two weeks. ???

So we walked down to Ginger Bistro, this new chinese restaurant where the old Blockbuster used to be.

In a word, delish.

I ordered the Spicy Coconut Curry Chicken, my date got the Basil Chicken. And here's where it got weird. And nice.

Our dinners come out, both in these ceramic pots. Interesting. I take the lid off of mine, and am looking at what I think is beef stew. It smells terrific, but I am trying to stay away from red meat, so hail the waitress and ask her what the dealio is.

She said it didn't look like chicken, apologized profusely, and took it back with a promise of the right dish in five minutes. No big deal, I assured her, it was cool.

About a minute goes by, and the waitress is back with the same dish.

Turns out, it's authentically prepared, sauteed for a long time in traditional curry (brown), and it's actually the right dish.

Okay, fine. No worries. I proceed to eat it, and it was damn good.

Then the owner comes over, this 60-something Asian lady who introduces herself as Jennifer and starts to tell the story of how the dish came to be. It was an interesting story (I'll save you the deets).

She came back to the table a couple times during dinner to check, chat a bit, and ask if we needed anything. The attention was very sweet, as was she.

They gave us two free desserts for the mixup, and ended up taking my dish off of the final bill.

Outstanding.

So I simply must recommend this restaurant. It was a tasty, quick, affordable and personable experience.

Afterwards went to the Market Pub, which was kinda gross. I don't recommend that place.

Saturday I ran in CC Park with Ash, then had a yummy quiche brunch at my mom's house, then got ready for Cin's Halloween party. I had no clue what I was going to be, so I teased my hair, drew on a fake mole, broke out the hooker lipstick, threw on my biker jacket and called myself Stephanie from Grease 2. It was a hoot.



Sunday I met with a client bright and early, then ran a million errands, took a much-needed nap, and headed out to Lake St. Louis for my cousin's Halloween extravaganza. I had a lot of baby time - Ethan is getting so big, he's just so fun to watch. A very good-natured baby, always looking at the pretty colors and in constant, twitchy motion. And a little spit-upy.

Riddle's and Rocky

Training has been moved up. Starts tomorrow.

Creve Coeur Park at 7:30. Should be nice and chilly, and hopefully not many people out.

Tonight is Riddle's and possibly the midnight showing of Rocky Horror.

That was the first movie I saw in St. Louis, at the pre-renovated Tivoli when the Loop was a bit dicey.

I was frustrated during the show because people kept shouting and throwing things like toast, distracting me from the movie.

Ha ha.

Wow, you're a big one, aren't you??

I want this table. It mirrors everything that's happening with your phone.

I would make the table tilt so I could watch movie previews, scrabble, and Frogger.

Spooktastic

Anyone who knows me can attest to my love of all things spooky.

I have a story to tell about a real-life ghostly encounter that took place about a year ago.

Before I begin, I'd like to emphasize that what I'm about to write is true. I'm not making anything up. I don't wish for spooky things to happen to me. I really only like to watch them portrayed in movies. I rarely watch Ghosthunters, 'cause that stuff is just TOO damn scary.

Here goes...

I was living in a loft, a very old building on the north/west edge of downtown St. Louis. Word is, it used to be an artist colony back in the 80's, before that it was offices, and before that it was a factory.

I lived on the 5th floor, in a spacious two-bedroom, two-bath unit. A wall of windows lined the living room/kitchen, but no natural light made it's way back into the master bedroom. When my mom came to visit, she called it "the cave". I slept really well there, probably because it was so dark and cozy. Until the following happened.

One night in the middle of November, I woke up to my bed shaking. It was really shaking, like moving back and forth, sort of a rocking, not a trembling. My dog was sitting on the bed with me, and he was having a freakout, barking and panting. I immediately thought it was an earthquake, jumped out of bed and ran to the front door, which is just outside my bedroom door. On my way, I happened to look back at my bed, and it was still shaking.

But nothing else inside the house was shaking.

??

I opened the front door and stood in the doorway to be safe, like I was taught. I noticed that no one else was up and about. And I noticed that the floor wasn't moving.

And I could still hear the bed shaking. For about 10 more seconds.

10 seconds last a lifetime when you are spooked.

Finally, the sound of the bed shaking stopped.

I went back inside, let the door shut behind me, and decided to go watch TV to see if there was indeed an earthquake.

I sat there and flipped back and forth between news stations for an hour. Nothing. No earthquake.

So what in the hell shook my bed?

I slept on the couch the next couple nights, too scared to spend the night in my bedroom, and nothing else happened. Eventually I was less spooked, so decided to move back to the bed.

For the next three nights, I woke up in the middle of the night, about the same time my bed had been shaking.

But no shaking woke me up. I'm not sure what woke me up, but each time I did, my right arm was straight up in the air. Like I was reaching for the ceiling.

???

After three nights of this, it stopped. It hasn't happened again, ever. I eventually moved out of the haunted loft, and haven't had anything spooky happen to me since.

I do believe there was something shaking my bed. And I believe that something raised my arm in the middle of the night.

Not sure if it was evil, mischievous, or a little bit of both.

But that was enough of an encounter to last me a lifetime.

Ahh

So last night.

Was going to go to Sleigh Bells, but as I have the pager for work, had to pass. Can't really listen for a pager in the midst of raw musical power.

A movie was next on the agenda...again, the pager dilemma. Movie was out.

Sitting at home, with a night off from school and nuttin' to do. The feelin-sorries kicked in.

Bernardo called. Modesto?

Hell to the yes.

Pinchos morunos. Bistec a la Cabrales. Sangria.

Turned out to be a nice night.

Hello again. Hello.

I just have to say it.

Feeling the urge to write again, and having the time, is an incredible fucking feeling.

Yup. I'm back. I'm so fucking back.

Swearing a lot - I know. But I feel it gives this post just the right kind of emphasis, better than exclamation points could. Plus I've watched a few Colin Ferrell movies as of late...he's the ultimate swearing Irishman, must have rubbed off on me.

I haven't felt this good in a long time. Tanks veery mooch.

I Passed!

Just got word from the Dean of Counseling that I passed my exit exam. Which means I get to graduate in 6 weeks.

I am surprised. Not because I didn't think I did well. I felt confident about most of the sections on the test.

But there was this one section. Uffta...it was a doozy. Really, I didn't think I passed that section. I'm not being modest here. I was seriously boondoggled, and bummed out.

But, apparently I DO know my stuff. And for that knowledge, I am thankful.

Last week, I was told by a client that I helped save her marriage and her family. I was blown away. Almost cried.

Hearing that made me very happy for her, and also for me, but I stressed that this was her success. She did a lot of the work, outside of our sessions, which was very uncomfortable for her. But she stayed the course and the breakthroughs came, as did the mending in her personal life. Hurrah for her!

As a therapist (in-training), it's important to make sure the client knows that any successes they have with their processing are, by and large, owned by them. If they don't do the work, it doesn't get done. I can only do so much.

Another thing that's fantastic about my internship is that I learn a lot about myself, and have found ways to work through some of my own issues in dealing with clients'.

One client was going through something very similar to what I was, and the "tough love" approach helped her to work through it. I decided to turn it around and use it on myself. And it worked. As painful as it was, holding up that metaphorical mirror and really seeing the issue is a great way to get past it.

And sometimes when that mirror isn't giving you what you need, all may come down to a few simple questions:

1. Am I worth more than this?

2. Would I stand for someone doing this to a person I love?

3. Do I have the ability to rise above and not put up with any more of this bs?

If the answers are yes/no/absolutely, then you're doing well. They were my answers this weekend. So hell yeah...I'm doing well.

Loving life right now. LOVIN IT!

Getting ready to do the Snoopy happy dance. I've got lots to dance about. :-)

A predilection for spontaneity

What makes a date great?

- A demand for the perfect Guinness pour.

- Witty banter.

- Agreeing to follow a very seasoned karaoke regular with a rousing rendition of "Love Is A Battlefield" by Pat Benetar.

- Late night walk in South Grand neighborhood.

- Honest disclosure.

- Subtlety and persistence.

- Warm hands, warm heart.

I Want These Socks

Already a great week. I feel like my life is mine again, like I can BREATHE. Seriously, having most of my clients finished with counseling is such the load off.

So now it's ME time. Long overdue.

Switched up my schedule a bit. This semester, I usually headed to the gym after class/interning, which left me getting home around 11:00 pm feeling all sorts of sweaty and amped up. Not good for the few and far between ZZZZ's. Workouts will now be at the wee hour of 5:00 am. Which I prefer. I'm a morning person, through and through. Well, except for Sunday Fundays. Sleepytime...

I started training for my Spinning certification, which happens on January 8th. Then I can start teaching downstairs at work. Holla.


I'll be joining the Fleet Feet sunset runs on Thursday evenings (after Thanksgiving), getting ready for the Go half-marathon training.

Coffee at MoKaBe's tonight after group. Good convo, good chai to be had in abundance.

Fleet-Feet info meeting on Thursday, followed by Sleigh Bells.

Friday night - TBD.

Saturday night, C's Halloween party. Costume will be revealed post-fest.

10 more weeks in the year. Big changes ahead. All good stuff.

AND, my New Year's resolutions start tomorrow. Why now, you may ask? Apropos of certain situations and miscreants, there's no reason to wait.

Rolling off. Moving on.

Here are some musical selections I've been enjoying as of late:

Cymbals Eat Guitars


Joy Formidable


Warpaint


Sezen Aksu

Fans, friends, fickle, fun

What started out to be a great day took a very weird turn, and then did a 180 and ended on very good note...musical to be exact.

I got a prescription filled yesterday and, through some mixup (pharmacy or doc, they are pointing fingers at the moment), it was for a much higher dosage than what's normal. This left me feeling very ill for the better part of the afternoon. Will teach me to read the bottle prior to partaking.

After rallying later on in the day, I got together with my friend Jarrett, who is one of the first friends I made at the university 20 years ago (yup, I am that old) and we took in Japandroids at OB. He is a wealth of musical knowledge, so attending any rock concert with him is a veritable history lesson in all things rock. He compared last night's Japandroids to many bands I'd not even heard of, but then I also clued him into Starmarket, so I feel I did contribute to the conversation some.

We didn't stick around for the Walkmen, as neither of us are huge fans. Got home early, was awakened by some rather scandalous drunk/bored texting (have yet to confirm which) just past the midnight hour, and got up early to run my mood out at my favorite gym. Even got my favorite treadmill - score.

Got my good friend to sign up for the Girls on the Run event in FP on 11/13. One of my best friends is getting married that afternoon, so it will be a crazy day. Pack it in...that's how I roll.

This weekend looks to be interesting. Pueblo Solis on Friday, last big push with my internship & the Mizzou game on Saturday, Sunday is recovery and family time.

Life continues to surprise, disappoint, and thrill (as do people). Lessons are learned on a daily basis. Doing my best to keep it all in perspective.

Super powers...

So in a previous post I mentioned super powers, which got me thinking...

Were I granted unlimited super powers, I would:

-invent a machine that would take me back in time and allow me to make changes that would positively affect my future, but no one else's. On the short list would be: turn down the two marriage proposals I received & accepted, trained harder in track, tried harder with some, tried less with others.

-take specific qualities, beliefs & attributes (physical, emotional, mental) from certain people I know and roll them like a delicious batch of cookie dough into one very compatible person. I would then proceed to marry this very compatible person and make a bunch of very compatible little people with him. And I would always have two tickets to the gun show. ;-)

-erase inequality, abolish racism, and allow gay marriage

-make cheese, mayo, and anything deep-fried healthy.

-create a job that allowed me to travel as much as I wanted and report back on the fun things I did, the delicious things I ate and the rad people I made friends with.

-populate St. Louis with Taco John's stores so I could get my fill of Potato Ole's and Taco Burgers whenever I flipping feel like it. And it would all be healthy and fat-free.

-fly invisible about the Earth and spy on the evildoings of governments that are out to do harm to others (I guess this might include the U.S. as well), sell my secrets to the other governments which would eradicate death/destruction/war, and then donate the money to my favorite charities (Stray Rescue, ARF, HS, APA, American Lung Association, WWF). Win, win.

-Bring Jimmy Stewart back to life and make him fall in love with me so I could finally say with certainty "It's A Wonderful Life".

Boob apron parody

My friend HLD posted this to her rad blog, and I had to steal it and repost.

I love this.

Office boner killer. Classic.

Top 10 Reasons I LURVE October

10. Baseball is OVAH - yes, I'm well known for disliking baseball. I enjoy going to a game when it's cool out, getting a tall brew and shooting the shit with friends. But as for the game, well, I could care less. BO-Ring.

9. Cooler weather - I am at my best during this time of year. The smell of wet leaves, the chill in the air, damp mornings and evenings on the back porch. I dig it. I really do.

8. Football - specifically, college. Go Bison, go Tigers, go Jayhawks. Nuff said.

7. Oktoberfest - I love a month that is dedicated to celebrating beer. My favorite at the moment would be Lips Of Faith Dunkelweiss by New Belgium from Ft. Collins.

6. Halloween - everything about this holiday makes me smile. The candy. The costumes. The decorations. My family has a long-standing tradition (this marks our 20th anniversary) where we get together, deep fry everything (fries, shrimp, etc.), hand out candy, watch scary movies and play cards. It's a blast, and I look forward to it every year.

5. Wineries - I love me a little long-stemmed culture on a hillside with my homeys.

4. Foliage - Missouri has phenomenal changing of the leaves. The colors are unlike anything I've ever seen. I guess growing up in North Dakota, where there are 4 trees and you have maybe 21 minutes between summer and winter will do that to a girl.

3. NBA - I think basketball players are incredible athletes. Constant movement, multitasking, speedplay. Astounding.

2. Bad horror movies - I recently reviewed the Human Centipede. I would consider this to be a bad horror movie. Bad in a good way. Others would include Motel Hell, I Spit On Your Grave, and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre II.

1. Good horror movies - nothing beats a good horror movie this time of year. My favorites include Halloween, Devil's Rejects, The Shining, Grindhouse, The Exorcist, Inside, 20 Days of Night, Let The Right One In.

I want one

Ahh! This is creepy.

But also weirdly intriguing.

Makes me kind of want a sexually-ambiguous amoeba robot that speaks Japanese.

I might just be done

I understand most men all too well. And I say most, because there are the exceptions out there. I've met them, and sadly I've let them go. (sound of banging head against the wall)

I think what it comes down to is, just how much a woman is willing to put up with.

Ambiguity? No. Drunk texting at 1:00 in the morning? Ah, no. Calling me "baby" and "sweetie" when we've only been out once? WTF no. And let's not forget the very warm welcome followed by the less-than goodbye. Nope. Never again.

Fucking ridiculous.

And no, I'm not going to switch teams - I have friends who are lesbians, and they are just as messed up as men are. Same problems, different mechanics.

Everyone is messed up, to a point, me included. We've all got hang-ups/turn-offs/deal breakers.

So it really DOES come down to what are you willing to overlook, forgive, and accept.

I don't think I should lower my standards or expectations. Life is short. I have friends who've found their imperfect, tolerable soulmates. Mine is out there. I know it.

Guess I'll just keep looking. But in the meantime, best to close up shop for awhile and refuel. I wasted enough effort and time. Fuck it. I'd rather clean out my fridge.

Maybe I should just go to church. Or move to Denmark.

I'm out.

I need me a Ferris Bueller

That is hip-speak for a "staycation".

The first weekend in November I may have to take a Ferris - perhaps ship the Dude off to the kennel so I can get my sleeping in on.

Visit my favorite city haunts with my favorite people.

Maybe hit up the zoo. Get my seal fix.

Or venture to Cherokee for some Mudd coffee.

Perhaps even sidle up to a dark bar with a cozy fella and order up a frothy beer from the lazy barkeep.

Social time.

Me time.

Bring it.

Grover is the new Old Spice

How can you not love this?

I'm on a boat.

Movie Review

Saw The Human Centipede this weekend.

It was recommended to me as one of the "best worst horror movies of all time".

I expected it to have terrible acting, a crap plot, and of course poor production quality.

All in all, it wasn't half bad.

Sure, the premise seemed like the machinations of a nerdy 16-year old boy. It was a big gross out. However, the villain was spectacular. Completely creepy, he had the look of a Holocaust survivor and oozed skeeze. The victims were not bad. The set design was kinda cool. And the special effects (stitches, blood, etc.) were good quality.

The one thing that ran through my mind throughout the movie was, "What if they get a cold?".

If you see it, you'll understand why.

It's worth a look if you're bored and in need of some weird Danish cinema.

I need an hourglass remedy

Never in my life have I felt that time is escaping me so surreptiously. Slipping, POURING from between my fingers like sand and I'm powerless to stop it. So many clocks are ticking away - biological, mortality, the one on my iPhone.

If I could be granted any magical power at this moment, it would be to stop time. Oh, and also to go back in time.

School rules this feeling - a certain technicality of this internship is becoming the bain of my social life and sanity. It's not the therapy - I like meeting with my students. It's the damn driving to Illinois. I spend over an hour and a half every day but Friday on the road and it's beginning to piss me off. It's pissing my car off as well.

My individual counseling ends the week of 10/25, which will provide me with Wed and Thurs nights free and Sundays. However, then we'll be running group through the month of October on Monday nights and Saturday afternoons.

I only have 8 weeks left. It doesn't seem like much, but in reality it feels like forever.

As of December I will have over two weeks worth of vacation to use. I am trying to decide whether to use some of it right after I graduate or wait until sometime in the spring.

Decisions.